Why Can’t I Stop Overthinking My Decisions? (And How to Break the Spiral)
You’ve made the pros and cons list. You’ve asked friends for advice. You’ve thought about every possible outcome. And yet - you feel frozen. Let’s talk about what this is, and what this isn’t.
Overthinking isn’t being indecisive, it’s avoidance of uncertainty.
There’s a term for this: “intolerance of uncertainty.” When I first say that to my clients, they go “that’s me!” It fits their experience of feeling on edge when they don’t have a clear answer, or worse, when there is no “right” answer.
So, what does your brain do? It tries to find a way to have control.
Your brain believes:
“If I think hard enough, I’ll guarantee the perfect outcome.”
Unfortunately, no amount of analysis creates certainty. So, what do we do?
“Doing the work” isn’t about thinking harder - it's about building your tolerance for uncertainty.
Oof. I know, this is probably not what you wanted to hear, but it is how you start to build self-trust. Self-trust doesn’t mean confidence that you’re 100% sure - it means you can move forward even when you aren’t sure, and you know you have your own back.
Here are some questions you can ask yourself to interrupt overthinking and address uncertainty head on:
What’s most aligned with my values?
What outcome can I live with, even if it’s not perfect?
What would be good enough for now?
These questions won’t eliminate all uncertainty. They’re not meant to - they’re meant to help you see where your limits are with uncertainty and help you move forward.
Therapy helps build your tolerance for uncertainty (aka your ability to make decisions when the answer isn’t clear).
In therapy we practice:
Identifying the real fears underneath your spiral
Increasing your ability to tolerate uncertainty
Rebuilding self-trust
We’re not aiming for perfect decisions (unfortunately, that’s the thing about uncertainty). We do work on building your ability to feel grounded even when you don’t know for sure. That’s what makes decision-making feel easier over time - not because life gets clearer, but because you trust yourself to handle the decisions in a way true to you.